Let’s Start at the Beginning

So here we are. My first blog post! I’m super excited to have you here and really looking forward to sharing my experiences on this exciting, slightly (ok very) nerve racking journey into my BDSM life.

I’ll be discussing many different subjects, feelings, experiences and opinions, some of which may contain triggers. If there are triggers on any of my posts, I’ll pop a warning at the beginning so that you can skip those if you need to.

I also want to emphasise that what I share will be my opinion only and should not be taken as any form of singular advice. I am in no way an expert on any subject, but I do hope that what I share will help you to form a rounded opinion of your own when put alongside other research, experiences and advice you’ve gained.

With all that done, if you are ready, grab a cuppa and let’s begin!

A little about me so you can get to know me. I am 37, single mum of one with many different interests. Anything from reading to deep thinking about alternate universes, music to baking, cars to colouring. I am a submissive babygirl little with some bratty tendencies. If these names mean nothing to you don’t worry! I will be covering names, titles and honorifics in my next post. And I didn’t always know what I was which is the basis for my first post today – how did I get here?

I have always known I was different to other people when it came to sex. Quite early on I wanted to be tied up, spanked, blindfolded, teased to a torturous level and sometimes liked it rough. During my 13-year marriage I had tried to explore those desires and get my husband to play in ways that satisfied my needs. I would often sneak upstairs, leave a note on the bedroom door telling him to use me however he wanted, blindfold and restrain myself then wait until he eventually came looking for me.  He would try, with earnest but it was awkward, and we’d end up going vanilla for the final furlong.

Then came *whispers* 50 Shades of Grey. Like a lot of women, I read the books and lapped it up. But whilst the women in my office were giggling like little kids in their first sex ed class and crooning over this mysterious hot kinky billionaire I was reading things that were familiar to me and realising maybe I wasn’t weird!

Now many (probably most) in the BDSM community will slate these books, and rightly so, because they are absolutely not a realistic portrayal of a healthy BDSM relationship, but I do owe a certain level of thanks to them. It was due to these books, due to the global success and related societal acceptance of ‘kinky fuckery’ that gave me a green light to be who I knew I was.

Thus, began my research into what a dominant was, what a submissive was, how a good D/s relationship worked. I printed reams of information and sat my husband down to explain what I needed. He didn’t really seem surprised and said he would try. We worked on it for a few weeks but without going into too much detail he couldn’t do it. He’d try, with earnest, but ultimately, I never got what I needed. Why? Because he was not a Dominant. It just wasn’t in him and looking back this was a contributing factor to our eventual separation.

I then spent a long, long, loooong time alone before starting a new relationship with a friend. Now this friend was successful, dominant in his everyday life and holy cow a demon in bed! He had all the potential of being a Dom and damn I was submitting to him without him even knowing it. One day I suggested using bed restraints when he next stayed over and he was interested, our text conversation even went into limits. I started to get a tad excited about where this could go but to cut a long story short it didn’t work out. He had another life that I didn’t know about and had lied all along.

Cue another long stint as a singleton, healing, trying to move on and bury the aftermath. Almost resigning myself to not finding someone and concentrating on my hobbies, friends, home and family. All thoughts of D/s put to bed, never to be spoken of again. Just me and my toys to relieve the frustration associated with being single.

Then out of the blue I got chatting to someone on my vanilla twitter account. Through this unexpected encounter I was introduced to NSFW twitter and what an eye opener it has been! My forgotten desires for D/s were reignited and I began to discover the BDSM community but more importantly a deeper understanding of who I was, the role that I identified with and the difference between a healthy and unhealthy D/s relationship.

It has been a rollercoaster 6 months of discovery, with some highs and lows, but the knowledge and lessons I have been learned have been invaluable. Red flags, roles, dynamics, hard and soft limits, kink shaming, events, munches….all things that I had no idea about 6 months ago.

It is this learning curve that has driven me to write this blog. There is so much that I have learned which would have been helpful to me early on, especially to avoid some of the painful experiences, had I had access to an honest, heartfelt and realistic view from people in our community.

So that’s a bit about me, how I got here and where I am on my BDSM journey. Next post will be looking at roles, titles and honorifics and look forward to sharing my thoughts and learnings with you.

Have a fabulously kinky day

BGN x